Forget Work-Life; What About Life-Life Balance?

IMG_0511 (3)

have not done as much writing as usual lately. I like to imagine that this performance drop would have made a difference to one or two of my readers, so I will let this post be my explanation and, hopefully, my resumption.

In addition to a host of professional and personal distractions, my prison’s Head Warden (2-year-old XO) has become much, MUCH, more demanding of me in the last few weeks- his newly vitalized forays into the lands of language, human politics and expectation management have given rise to a greater requirement for my feedback, guidance, help, ‘explanation’, and, very often, opposition. I should be happy at his increased interaction with the world, with his growth and development, and the increased opportunity to relate with him as an individual… and I do, but I am also quite terrified.

What could be scary about watching one’s child grow and develop? Well, my experience with the Deputy Warden (8-year-old Boogie) indicates that the requirement for parental support doesn’t reduce as they grow; in my opinion, it actually increases! Sure, Boogie is Deputy Warden because, on the surface, she requires less attention- I don’t have to bathe her, clean her up after she uses the loo, dress her, constantly guard her against burns, electrocution or falling, for example- but that’s only physically speaking. As she’s grown, she has come to need equally constant guidance and instruction in the areas of character polishing, hygienic practices for behavioral bowel movements, navigating the risks of emotional burns, societal electrocution, and reputational cliffs.

Boogie contemplates nature on grandpa’s farm

Additionally, Boogie and I have an 8-year-long friendship in which we have come to rely on each other, and I certainly wouldn’t want to let her down, so I have to work hard to maintain the dependability I worked harder to build with her. This translates, in my perception, to being available to help with homework, talking about her day in school and what she’s experiencing with friends, teachers and at home, providing context for the influences she’s exposed to in literature, music, and film, and playing a role in managing just what those influences are.

Head Warden asserting his dominion

Now I have a new Head Warden that I am building that same foundation of friendship and dependability with and I am frightened that I might drown in all of this stewardship. When will I ever have the room to get anything done, take a few personal risks, indulge in a bit of misbehavior even? Technically, (unless my wife and I produce a new Head Warden) Deputy Warden Boogie will be ‘out of my hair’ in 10 years, and Head Warden XO in 16 years, but I doubt there are many of us who can just switch off parent mode when our kids turn 18. And even if we could, I am not sure that, professionally or personally, I can afford to give up the next decade of my life, let alone two.

may have to take some further time off while I figure out how to deal with this. I know that this conundrum mainly faces a certain kind of parent, and I am unapologetically THAT kind of parent, but I would welcome all views on addressing this challenge… as long as they don’t include giving the children up for adoption.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Forget Work-Life; What About Life-Life Balance?”

  1. Hahahaha interesting article. I like that u called them wardens. As a parent myself and even as mine are older I still feel like pulling my hair sometimes. You got to just love them though. I learn everyday and they are my teachers

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Adoption is the only solution if you are not ready to give up a decade or two of your life. Sorry. Wish I could give you some good news. Aha. Good news. Once they hit puberty they will hate you and you will embarrass them so maybe they will not rely on you quite as much 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Addendum – Children are little dictators if you let them, they now exactly what they are doing to you, so you got to be firm and let hem know who is the boss :p

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s